After the passing holidays and the new year starting, I have many racing thoughts. To start, I have my momma Zita on my mind. Always. Zita was my momma’s best friend. She came into our lives at the worst time, when my father was at his end of his life, where he finally succumbed to his drug/alcohol addiction and his suicidal attempts and took his own life. Zita helped my mother, my younger brother and I through the worst time in our lives. She was our rock. About four years ago, she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. My mother took zita to almost all her appointments and treatments. She would visit her every day. Zita was the best woman we could ever ask for to bless our lives. Her last year, her health deteriorated quickly. We hoped she would hold on longer, just passed November 14, 2017, a week before her birthday. Life has been a struggle for me personally without her. I can’t let her go. She is still the wallpaper on my phone so I see her happy smile every time I get on my phone. I can’t delete her number. I can’t let her go.
As a result of a sexual assault against myself and my brothers daughter, my life, I lost my sister because of what her husband did. Not a day goes by I don’t think about her, or her babies, Jacob and Austin. Both who have disabilities, who I cared for for 12 hours a day before they were a year old. And I’ve missed the last 5 years of their lives.
I’ve lost two people who I held so dearly to me, and I’m not sure how to cope. One is my momma Zita, whom I looked up to and wanted to be so much like. So full of life and carefree. Loved her family and friends more than herself. And my sister. The best wife and mother I had ever seen. The best role model I thought, until she abandoned our family when we needed her most after her husband committed an unthinkable act against myself and my niece, my older brothers daughter.
How does one come to terms with losses such as this? How does one go on? I love and miss them dearly.
To my sister, I hope to reconnect soon. To momma Zita, shall we meet again one day, and I know you’re watching over me. I love you both.